Fair Winds and Following Seas

This year I will be 36.
A fairly respectable age I think. Not too old, not too young. I've accomplished a few things with much more on the to do list.

At 36 you are a "grown up". You work a job, pay bills and care for children.
Yet at 36 you still need a parent. I guess I am discovering that as I raise teenagers today. The job is truly never ending.

Later this summer my dad, will have been gone for 8 years. Yet it feels like he left me just yesterday.
He was my best friend.

Thea & Her Dad 

My parents divorced when I was 9 years old and at that age I chose to live with my dad who was 52 at the time because I think from the moment I was born I was following his shadow's every step.
As you can imagine raising a daughter on your own with a revolving door of wives/stepmothers created some interesting experiences during my formidable years. I know he did the best that he could and today I am so thankful for the person that he was.

I could spend hours upon hours gushing about what a great dad he was to me.
How much I miss my daily phone calls that usually consisted of what was on sale at the grocery store. How now I can't resist taking the time to chit chat back to "grandpas" who remind me of my dad at the post office.
I really miss him.

In the weeks before my dad's death I was lucky enough to care for him in my home. They were hard days, no one likes to see their strong parent become feeble, sick and unable to use the bathroom without aid. In life things eventually come full circle. My dear dad cried when I had to help him in the bathroom, he had tears in his eyes saying to me over and over again "I'm sorry Thea" because he needed help.  In my eyes there was nothing to be sorry about. He had cared for me my whole life, it was my turn to be care provider.
It was a very hard time and I still cry about it now.  Hurt like that never goes away, but like any broken heart the sting lessens with time.  Sorry and condolences seem like the appropriate thing to say to a friend in a time of loss, but as the receiver I know no words can uplift you.  No words can bring resolve.
You are supposed to hurt and morn. Losing a parent is losing a part of you, a big part.
Your heart will swell with sadness and memories. Embrace it and think warmly of the one you are letting go. They know you loved them.

--
This post is dedicated to two of the greatest dads.

Big Al Starr - 1933-2004

Capt'n J. Wood 1948-2012

"Fair winds and following seas" to them both always.
Extra love to my fellow daddy's girl.