Letting Go

Well, here we are.
Tomorrow morning I am dropping Jina off at her dorm.

Much change has taken place in the past year of our lives.
The completion of Jina's childhood and her transition into "adulthood" has taken place.
We have been so busy making sure all the paperwork is in order, buying supplies for college and physically moving Jina to another city a couple hours away. It has been one huge blur and we've adapted to the change.

Jina & I in our hot pink hair phase 2005

Things have been going great with all the changes.  I've only had one or two big cry sessions about Jina's departure. (One was with her baby brother). Yes, it was as sweet as it sounds, they really love each other and are very close.

Baby Brother and Big Sister - 2007

When I've been asked how I'm handling all of this - honestly, I'm doing well.
However, there has been one annoying thing, the "consoling" words of - "At least you have more kids...". Yes, I do but it doesn't replace the one I am letting go of.  The house will not be as filled as it once was. Our family will not have the same dynamic anymore. A changing of the guard is taking place, a different child will now be the oldest in the house.  Responsibility comes with that position and he has some learning to do. I've also had to cook less food, which is strange right now. As a mom you condition yourself to cook enough food a set number of people over the years.

I guess ultimately I feel mostly pride right now for what a great human being Jina has become. The waves of bittersweetness of letting go and seeing her off into the world is admittedly overwhelming at times though. She has been my sidekick my entire adult life and in many ways I have grown up with her in tow. After 18 years of seeing her daily it will change to once or twice a month if I am lucky. It's an adjustment. Good thing we have cell phones.

I feel like I am leveling up in the parenthood game. Then I send off another child and level up again in 2 years. It's really one big blur my friends. Those of you who are just starting your families keep that in mind. The teething babies and sleepless nights quickly turn into college bound young adults.

I'm looking forward to the drive to the university in the morning. We'll have one last meal together with our boyfriends like a scene from Gilmore Girls and head off in our own directions. Then new chapter begins.

Thea - Leveled Up

September 19, 2013

Senior Year - AP Courses and Tests

AP - Advanced Placement is a program here in the United States offering college-level curriculum and examinations to high school students. There are currently 34 courses and exams offered.

An excerpt from a recent special insert in The Seattle Times - On Course Your Guide to College Planning 2013 noted that an "AP exam can earn credit or placement at college and universities. An AP Chemistry test score of 4 can equal Chemistry 142, for example."

AP tests are scored on a 1 to 5 scale as follows:

• 5 – Extremely well qualified
• 4 – Well qualified
• 3 – Qualified
• 2 – Possibly qualified
• 1 – No recommendation

AP classes are challenging but are great. I am not speaking from personal experience myself, but my daughter has definitely benefited from taking them. Sure there has been some complaints about the homework load some days (AP Government Politics - United States just sounds like a big homework -work load) but she has had a great time learning in these challenging classes. I often say to her the phrase "So. Much. Nerd." because she sends me midday up date texts that look like this:

What she kicked ass in was AP Government Politics Jeopardy.
In case you are wondering, I do wake up every morning truly thankful for how different my kids are from what I was when I was a teenager.  My daughter already has a college credit for French from the University of Washington.  For a fee of $89.00 for the AP exam she is walking away with college credit if her scores are high enough. It is budget friendly in comparison to what you'll have to pay for the equivalent credit in college. That $89.00 fee is per exam too. Be sure to add that to your upcoming costs list for your kid's high school years.  There is financial assistance for the fee for those who qualify.

I wanted to put this information out there now because we're currently enrolling for classes for next year at the high school now. If your son or daughter can place in an AP course and can handle the extra work load I highly recommend you and your child consider it. It is a great way to save a little money on college fees and get a little bit ahead a little early. Also the challenge of the classes is the greatest benefit of all. (As you can tell from the screenshot above.)

Other programs to consider are the Running Start Program (Washington State) - is a program for high school juniors and seniors and allows students to enroll in college courses numbered 100 or above, tuition-free, while completing high school. I actually participated in this program in its early years and I benefited from it as I was not really high school material.
Also there is the IB - International Baccalaureate is a 4 year program offered at many high schools. The IB program isn't offered at my kid's high school but at another school within our district, so I don't have much knowledge about its courses and focus, but I have heard it is an in depth program. For more information check out www.ibo.org

xo-Thea

Senior Year - An Update

Posts about our Senior Year Project have been sparse.
Mainly because so. much. stuff. has been going on.

Right before winter break one of Jina's teachers took a moment out of class and said; "When you return from break it will be the last semester of your high school career and it will fly by."

And it has. Its the last week of March. What the heck?

I know Rebekah & Madison have been in the same boat. Rebekah keeps and insane schedule visiting clients and caring for her younger daughters. Thanks to Facebook updates I saw that Madison was accepted to some amazing schools! I can't wait to see which one gets the honor of her presence.

As I've mentioned before Jina has already accepted enrollment to the university that was #1 on her list.  We are in the process of accumulating scholarships and loans (more on that in an upcoming post). Also part of my game plan is to continuously play the lottery in hopes that I can just pay for all of my kids to go to college myself. I'll keep you all updated on that.

Speaking of small fortunes... Jina & I took a trip down to Oregon recently to visit Jenny. (Be jelly Jenny made these for us!) We also took advantage of Oregon's lack of sales tax and purchased all things for prom. I am allowed to share this blurry crappy picture of her dress:

Not the color or style we were originally were looking for, but you know how it goes. I'll share pictures from prom when it happens.

That basically catches up to date for now. :)

Thea

Senior Year - The Senior "Ad"

Some genius through the annals of time created a money making scheme by charging parents a fee to put in a little sentiment in a dedicated section of the school's yearbook. The Senior Ad section.
As a parent it is an opportunity to show off one last cutie patootie baby/toddler picture of your now Senior child with the town you live in. That and to say something sweet & meaningful as you send them on their way.

I spent way too much time looking for the "perfect" picture. One that says "Hey this kid is something special" with a touch of humor because that's how we roll. Oddly, I was able to whip up the wording to go with the picture rather quickly once I decided upon a picture. Unfortunately, I won't share it now and save it for her to see when she opens her yearbook (although she is apart of the yearbook staff and has probably already read it).  I'll have to follow up with you all on this again.
But this photo was a strong contender for the toddler picture to give you an idea:

2001 - The classic older sibling smack down. (My sons & my eldest daughter)

It really says it all here, Jina smiling while pinning down her brother while her youngest brother is crying from defeat. Yeah, that's my house although Jina is smaller than both of her brothers so the scales weigh in the favor them now.

Let's face it, Senior year is a year to put your child that you've invested so much time into, homework hours, dance classes, soccer games, violin lessons... on display or make them the center of attention before they take off. Applaud all of their achievements and cry like a hot mess while doing it.  Even if its just emailing a paragraph and a poorly scanned photo. This shit can turn you into mush! I wouldn't say that I am a big emotional type gal. "Hard ass & tough girl" is normal but "pile of sappy mush" is quickly becoming the norm.

This year has really been flying by and there's only a few months left. It has been so surreal. I'm willing to bet that is the word (surreal) I'll over use here. Its the first thing I say when some one asks me how things are going and how I am handling things. I also have some parents asking me what they can do to help them prepare for Senior year.  At this point I have to say just be ready to spend way more money than you thought imaginable on "stuff".  School fees, diners, invitations, cap & gown, formal dresses for dances and a plethora of other things like a Senior ad.  So save your pennies now and keep the tissue box close.

 xo-Thea

Senior Year - And We're In

One application.
One application fee.
One acceptance certificate.
One happy girl.
One very proud mom.

...entering Class of 2013

We found out right before Christmas that Jina was accepted to her college of choice.
All the build up and coaching of do's and don'ts for college applications we hit the goal in one big swoop.

She came running like a mad woman screaming all the way from the mailbox into the house screaming with joy.  I was equally as happy and especially proud.
Now the real works begins - financial aid, loans, scholarships hopefully. I am now admitting that I am scared shitless. It doesn't really help that the kid has a count down to graduation and her expected move out date. Gah!

Thea

Senior Year - College Tours

Last week I dropped off Jina at her first choice college.
Over the past year we've received a lot college informational mail, but we hadn't received anything from her first choice college. We were a little worried. Mainly because a lot of kids that would normally apply to the big university closest to where we live has cut their in state student acceptance to take in more out of state students (more money). Which pushes in state kids to other colleges in state. We worried for a second that Jina's first choice college was going to pass up promoting itself because their applicants have been upped since the big university has done what it has done.

Then it came.
A special invite for academically high achieving students - WWU Western Scholars Invitational

It's a program that hosts 175 students for a 3 day stay on campus at the student residences. The students got to experience the college, lectures, faculty and local tours. Even discussion on the application process for enrollment into the university which was probably the greatest benefit for the entire weekend if you ask me. If you ask Jina she'll tell you it was all the great people and great places in the university. 

When I picked her up she already claimed to have her roommates picked out for dormitory living (that she met there), sworn off her car and stated she needs a bike instead and griped how she has to live through her senior year in high school. She wants to go to college now. 

She clearly had a great time and great experience with this program. Other colleges must offer this sort of thing but I've only noticed invites for day tours of campuses. Which I do highly recommend, we've eliminated a couple colleges based on those. Although this particular tour was catered for "high cap" students there are tours for the regular student too. Keep your eyes peeled for any tour really. 

So on the mom side of things, I got a taste of departure of my eldest baby. Which is odd to say as I have friends that just had a baby this weekend. I feel so ahead of time, but I started much earlier than most do these days and as we look ahead to a year full of adventures and accolades of high school's Senior Year  I can already envision next year preparing her for real departure to college. It will be bittersweet for sure. 

xo-Thea

Happy 17 Madison!

May 30th 1995 –  was the day my perspectives began to change.  It was
a Tuesday –I wasn’t due until June 11th but I had been on bed rest for
months on end due to Toxemia (what is now called preeclampsia; ya, I
am so old that medical conditions have been re-named since I had
them).

My mom was still going through her radiation treatment and chemo
therapy for the first round of her fight with the cancer.  I woke up
around 2 in the morning because my back was KILLING ME!  I got in the
shower and hoped that the warm water would lessen the aches and pains.
 I went back to bed and woke up again, this time around 4am.  I
decided to take ANOTHER shower as the rest of the house remained pain
free and tucked in their beds snoozing away.  At 7 am I woke up for a
3rd time, took yet ANOTHER shower, and this time I dried off and
crawled in to bed next to my mom.  I was like a small child who was
too sick to go to school and seeking out comfort from their parent.
She awoke and I told her that my back was throbbing and I was in
sooooooooooo much pain and that I couldn’t stay asleep it was so
intense.  My mom smiled and her face lit up like a Christmas tree and
said “She’s coming!  You’re in labor!”
I looked at her in extreme disbelief.  My mother, the woman who had
not only given birth 3 times on her own but she was also in her Jr.
year of her nursing degree at the University of Utah, and I was
resolute in the fact that she had NO IDEA what she was talking about.
I began to explain to this poor confused soul, who called herself my
mom, that I was in extreme pain in my back, not in my stomach.  I had
gone to Lamaze classes, on her insistence in fact, and the videos, the
visual aids, and the examples all demonstrated exactly where labor
pains were felt and my back was never brought in to the conversation;
besides I still had almost 2 weeks left before my baby was due.  What
on earth did SHE know anyway?.  She insisted I eat breakfast but all I
wanted was some Tylenol, a nap, and some relief.  May 28th, 1995, was
my last night of REAL sound sleep.
The hospital had a VHS player in the room and a selection of Disney
movies (hey, I gave birth in Utah, there wasn’t going to be anything
over a PG rating on that shelf).  I watched the Lion King for the
millionth time as I waited to dilate more.  My baby brother, who was
11 years old at the time, shoveled ice chips in my mouth and I thought
I might die of embarrassment because my then husband was too “bored’
to stay in the room as it (my laboring) was “taking too long”, I
remember thinking there was no way I could do it…no way I could handle
a moment more.  My mom later told me she was kept waiting for me to
burst with expletives and rage but I was almost silent and it scared
her.  She had never seen me react that way to anything, ever.  I
didn’t yell at anyone, scream, or even complain….I was silent.  I was
TERRIFIED.  18 hours of back labor, some added pitocin, and an
epidural that didn’t take later I found myself face to face with my
sweet baby Madison.  

She was amazing, she IS amazing, and I wouldn’t
trade her for the world.  I am still unsure as to how my grandmother,
my mother, my baby brother, and my ex-husband were all present as I
pushed.  I remember refusing the mirror the nurses offered me and my
mom told them to bring it back so that I could watch….instead I then
spent the whole time pushing with my eyes closed shut. My mom cut the
umbilical cord and she cried as she held my daughter in her arms
before my baby made her way to me.
That night I stared at my baby girl sleeping pressed up against my
chest.  My mom and the nurses urged me to set her down and to get some
sleep myself but I couldn’t stop looking at her.  The only thing I was
prepared for when I arrived at the hospital was her name.  I knew she
would be called Madison…not Maddie….Madison.  What I didn’t know was
that I would be so in love with her the moment I heard her cry as she
vacated my body.  She was beautiful.  I wanted to give her the world,
the sun, the moon….whatever she desired.  

My perspective on life changed that instant. My wants, desires,  and my needs had all changed
for the better….I have her to thank for that.  She changed my life
…she halted  my crash course journey I was on…..and at 19 I brought
home the most amazing creature I had ever met.  She has been my
sidekick longer than anyone else in my life.  

She is my friend, my daughter, and my dearest most precious gift.  Happy 17th birthday to
my wondrous “baby”girl.  Madison, I love you and I can’t begin to thank you enough for the joy you have brought to me.

Happy 17 Jina!

17 years ago I welcomed Jina into the world.

18 years old and a week before my high school graduation.
I had a really rough year and an even rougher pregnancy. I recall watching a lot of the OJ Simpson trial from a hospital bed.
I didn't take any birthing classes.
I didn't even have a significant other. I just went in and had a baby.
I had two friends in the delivery room with me taking a crash course class on how a baby was born.
It seemed like a sitcom episode at times.

Jina had a ton of brown/blonde hair and big doll eyes and had my heart ever since.



Her being changed my life for the better. Not in a whole parental legacy way either, let me remind you that I was a bit of a troublemaker. Having her gave me real responsibility. Truly having to care for someone else besides myself. I had to quit being a jerk and do something good pretty promptly.



Like any aspect of parenting it hasn't always been easy, but its always been "us".
She is an amazing person.
One of my favorite persons.


Happy Birthday Sunshine-

Senior Year - Introduction Part Two

As mentioned yesterday, my good friend Rebekah & I are doing a project called The Senior Year. Which will be a documentation of our birthday twin daughters Madison & Jina's "last year at home". It's totally for selfish coping reasons but we hope that it will encourage fellow moms who will also be experiencing this milestone to take it all in stride and squeeze every bit of bittersweetness out of it.
Being born 20 minutes later, hence the younger birthday twin this is the conclusion of the introduction - Jina.

--
The past few months Rebekah & I have been commiserating together over mail from colleges addressed to the girls.  Somehow that mail initiated a wave of emotion. This is it. We're in the home stretch, the goal is in sight.

17 is the great in between. Last year it was the driver's license and car. Next year will be graduation & "adulthood".
Ironically Jina often tosses a mini dialogue from a Gilmore Girls episode out at me:

Rory: "There wasn't really a point you know because I get it, he is starting his first real job. I mean, he needs time to adjust and focus and learn the lay of the land. I mean its good that he's trying to be a grown-up. You know, so now I'm trying to be a grown-up. So why am I gonna get all pouty because I don't get to do it?"
Lorelai: "Hmm. Well, that sounds like a real grown-up talking."
Rory: "Thank you."
Lorelai: "You know the one thing that grown-ups don't call themselves?"
Rory: "What?"
Lorelai: "Grown-ups.  They say, "adults," and they pronounce it "ah-dults."
Rory: "It stinks!"

She quotes it because I call myself a "grown up" but oddly enough that quote is relevant to this post.
I mean I get it, Jina is getting older. She needs to focus and learn the lay of the land.
It is supposed to be this way and I shouldn't get all pouty about it.

This is my mantra for this year.

I do consider myself lucky in the sense that she doesn't want to go to an out of state college. She loves the state she was born and raised in. She is hoping to attend a college I once roamed about 3 hours away from where we live now. There she will become the most attractive accountant that has ever existed.

Jina

I was bragging to a friend about how she wants to stay in state just last week as he was recommending a good car to get her to replace the aging one she has now. He recommended a car that I thought would be bad on gas mileage, when I replied with that and also suggesting that she'll come home to see me often he had the nerve to say, "She's not going to come down and see you every weekend."
I wanted to reach through the phone and punch him for saying such blasphemy!
What does he know?!?! 
Instead I replied, "Yeah, you're right."

Any parent can imagine how crushing it is to know that their daily "reign" is drawing to a close. I will no longer be the daily authority, she will be her own self government. I know that she & I will forever be close but to remove her from my regular daily life will be very hard.  I already cry thinking about emptiness that will come from her inevitable departure. I joke that her room will become my new office but I know in reality it will be sort of a shrine to her.  It will be a museum of her old toys and clothes, scribbles on the wall, old school projects and other things that will illuminate the memory of the little girl that once lived in it. It will become just her room at her mom's house.

I've always known what the term empty nest means but I didn't realize that it would arrive so soon for me. I do have three other children but I am at the cusp of learning whether or not it will become easier with each child that leaves or will it get harder. I'm sensing that the latter is true. I know I sound a touch tragic but when she leaves it starts a snowball effect, my kids are only a couple years apart. I am bracing myself for one of life's roller-coaster rides.

Jina & Thea 2011

Being the oldest child she has had inherited privileges and responsibilities which have prepared her to stand alone on her own. Cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, I'm confident that she can handle all of that. She has even enough foresight to have already asked me to write down in a book a collection of recipes I make to take with her. TO TAKE WITH HER.......? 

She talks so calmly about her goals and intentions as if she had this all planned out for a decade. Maybe she has. The only comment of concern I've heard from her is how one accumulates all the things needed for an apartment. Crock pot, couch, towels, etc. All valid concerns of course. But isn't she sad about the idea of not seeing me daily? Isn't she worried about how I feel, as selfish as that sounds?

I worry that I'm going to get a speeding ticket the first time she calls me and needs me there.

I worry about her being out late with friends and having to pass by unsavory people.

I worry that she's going to work too much to pay for school.

I worry because I'm her mother and I'll be worrying about her when I'm 87. 

To answer my own question, no she isn't.
Its not that I'm not relevant enough or not close enough to her. Its just her eyes are fixed on the home stretch too. The goal is in sight and she's ready to receive her prize.  (This is how my dad felt 19 years ago.)

2011 Jina texting backstage at a benefit fashion show.

She is just days away from her school's Step Up day. The junior class symbolically steps up to the senior class as the current senior class graduates and says good bye. Things are getting real.
I feel like the school year just began, where did the time go?

As they say in business "The only nonrenewable commodity- is time."
So true that is. I feel like the past 17 years has just flown by with my best friend and constant companion since I was 18. My very special gift that I have completely given my all to, who made my heart grow 3 sizes the day she was born, my Sweet Child O' Mine.

-Thea Starr

Senior Year - Introduction Part One

Sounds super serious from the title right? It is actually. Today begins the countdown of the "birthday twins'" last year before they take off to grab lives of their own.
The birthday twins are my dear friend Rebekah's daughter Madison and my own daughter Jina. Both girls were both born on May 30th, 1995. Madison is about 20 minutes older.
Starting today Rebekah and I are beginning The Senior Year project where we are going to document our experiences over the the next 12 months which is our eldest daughter's "last year" at home before college.

Since Madison has those 20 minutes ahead of Jina here's Rebekah's introduction.
-Thea
---

1 more month.  1 more month until my first baby, my delightful child, turns 17 years old.  I find that culturally there is always a lot of hullabaloo surrounding “sweet 16” – you can drive, it’s a milestone and an expected celebration of maturity; 18 offers it’s own amazement to the masses, but I am finding the idea of 17 to be daunting, exciting, terrifying, amazing, depressing, and above all else, a wake up call.  The Beatles knew it too, in their song And I Saw her Standing There, “Well, she was just seventeen, you know what I mean.”  Yes John and Paul, I think I DO know what you mean, and it scares me.

Madison

Though 17 offers the guarantee that my child will begin to prepare for her own future and start to make her own way on this spinning rock, it also marks the last year of our daily discussions.  Random babble about music, boys that she is interested in, boys that annoy her but keep texting her, art, literature, bad Facebook memes, crappy tv that she doesn’t have time to watch, and the general laughter we share on a daily basis. AND let’s be frank, it denotes the last year of my jurisdiction.

Have I done enough to prepare her for being on her own?  Can she buy her own food, stock her own shelves, and cook her own meals? Can she clean and do laundry?  Balance a “checkbook” (aka debit card register)?  Is she self disciplined enough to not go to a Circa Survive concert with her last $78.27 instead of buying food or gas for 2 weeks?  I am hoping that the answer to all of these things is yes, but really, didn’t we all learn a lot about life and what to do and not to do by experiencing our own failures and mistakes?  I think that requiring her to make dinner once a week for the last 2 years has been a good training ground for her, as was her assistance with my bizarre OCD-esque laundry requirements.  This last year I need to focus more on the bank account with her and have more discussions about weaning her off the $24 eyeliner she goes through every 3 weeks and the $28 shampoo.  She will need to ask herself if getting her eyebrows done at the Benefit brow bar every 6 weeks is something she can afford to keep up or if it’s more important to her to have enough money to pay her cell phone bill. Have I failed her by not making her begin her road down financial independence sooner?

Tonight said “baby” will be at a presentation for some East Coast schools…she and the Mr. are driving 2 hours to be in a meeting to “show demonstrated interest” in a school she has at the top of her wish list.  Next week she is touring the campus of a Southern California school her Uncle and Aunt are Alumni of; she’s interested in that one too.  I would love her to be more local, but her heart is set to roam free and leave California.  I have spent many, many, many moments focused on this, wanting to be a supportive mother that helps her daughter spread her wings and prepare for the world.  Part of me wants to crush her dreams before she has a chance to even apply there and tell her that even if she gets a merit based scholarship (and we all know how competitive those are) it’s too expensive to live so far away from your home base.  Is it time to play Kathy Bates and get my sledge hammer out in a Misery homage?  I could have the Mr. build an elaborate prison in the garage perhaps?  The interest letter from Westpoint, the constant stream of mailers from all over the U.S. this year have broken my heart at each postal mark….but I smile as I hand my daughter the postcards, letters, packets, and I swear one sent a fold out poster.

These are just the ramblings of a mother who knows that the sand from the hourglass is streaming faster.  The woman who watched Toy Story 3 audibly sobbing louder than anyone in the theatre when Andy’s mom looks around his newly emptied room and states, “Just…I wish I could always be with you”.  This right of passage she has worked so hard to earn is right around the corner.  It’s just on the horizon, that’s what 17 says to me.  And I get it.  I’ve never been the “clip your wings” type.  I love her with ever fiber of my being and want only the best for her.   But my heart is a little broken with the idea of her seat at the table being empty more often than not.  My baby who has been with me since I was a 19 (yes that IS a whole ‘nother Oprah), the one whom I poured every ounce of love I had to give (and even some I didn’t have to offer) into.  My toddler who would streak through the house nekkid after a tubby because she didn’t want to get dressed.  The only one of my children my mother was able to hold in her arms and sing to sleep before she died.  My child who was reading Dr Seuss to me before she was 3.  My child who knew she wanted to be a doctor when she was in kindergarten because of all of the time she spent in the hospital with asthma and pneumonia.   My adolescent who grew up a decade in just a day when her friend was murdered at school.  My teenager who respects herself and her body enough to not put herself in situations that could jeopardize her dreams.  My forever baby and first born is going to begin her journey.  I am so happy for her and I am so honored to have this last year to continue to help prepare her.

Rebekah & Madison

When I sat down to type this I promised myself I wouldn’t go to that super cheesy place – with the expected violins in the background and the Fiddler on the Roof tune.  But I can’t help it!  My heart aches with pride as well as sadness, “Is this the little girl carried?  Is this the little boy at play?  I don’t remember growing older, when did they?  When did she get to be a beauty? When did he grow to be so tall?  Wasn't it yesterday when they were small? Sunrise, Sunset…..”  

-Rebekah Norton