Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Happy 17 Madison!

May 30th 1995 –  was the day my perspectives began to change.  It was
a Tuesday –I wasn’t due until June 11th but I had been on bed rest for
months on end due to Toxemia (what is now called preeclampsia; ya, I
am so old that medical conditions have been re-named since I had

My mom was still going through her radiation treatment and chemo
therapy for the first round of her fight with the cancer.  I woke up
around 2 in the morning because my back was KILLING ME!  I got in the
shower and hoped that the warm water would lessen the aches and pains.
 I went back to bed and woke up again, this time around 4am.  I
decided to take ANOTHER shower as the rest of the house remained pain
free and tucked in their beds snoozing away.  At 7 am I woke up for a
3rd time, took yet ANOTHER shower, and this time I dried off and
crawled in to bed next to my mom.  I was like a small child who was
too sick to go to school and seeking out comfort from their parent.
She awoke and I told her that my back was throbbing and I was in
sooooooooooo much pain and that I couldn’t stay asleep it was so
intense.  My mom smiled and her face lit up like a Christmas tree and
said “She’s coming!  You’re in labor!”
I looked at her in extreme disbelief.  My mother, the woman who had
not only given birth 3 times on her own but she was also in her Jr.
year of her nursing degree at the University of Utah, and I was
resolute in the fact that she had NO IDEA what she was talking about.
I began to explain to this poor confused soul, who called herself my
mom, that I was in extreme pain in my back, not in my stomach.  I had
gone to Lamaze classes, on her insistence in fact, and the videos, the
visual aids, and the examples all demonstrated exactly where labor
pains were felt and my back was never brought in to the conversation;
besides I still had almost 2 weeks left before my baby was due.  What
on earth did SHE know anyway?.  She insisted I eat breakfast but all I
wanted was some Tylenol, a nap, and some relief.  May 28th, 1995, was
my last night of REAL sound sleep.
The hospital had a VHS player in the room and a selection of Disney
movies (hey, I gave birth in Utah, there wasn’t going to be anything
over a PG rating on that shelf).  I watched the Lion King for the
millionth time as I waited to dilate more.  My baby brother, who was
11 years old at the time, shoveled ice chips in my mouth and I thought
I might die of embarrassment because my then husband was too “bored’
to stay in the room as it (my laboring) was “taking too long”, I
remember thinking there was no way I could do it…no way I could handle
a moment more.  My mom later told me she was kept waiting for me to
burst with expletives and rage but I was almost silent and it scared
her.  She had never seen me react that way to anything, ever.  I
didn’t yell at anyone, scream, or even complain….I was silent.  I was
TERRIFIED.  18 hours of back labor, some added pitocin, and an
epidural that didn’t take later I found myself face to face with my
sweet baby Madison.  

She was amazing, she IS amazing, and I wouldn’t
trade her for the world.  I am still unsure as to how my grandmother,
my mother, my baby brother, and my ex-husband were all present as I
pushed.  I remember refusing the mirror the nurses offered me and my
mom told them to bring it back so that I could watch….instead I then
spent the whole time pushing with my eyes closed shut. My mom cut the
umbilical cord and she cried as she held my daughter in her arms
before my baby made her way to me.
That night I stared at my baby girl sleeping pressed up against my
chest.  My mom and the nurses urged me to set her down and to get some
sleep myself but I couldn’t stop looking at her.  The only thing I was
prepared for when I arrived at the hospital was her name.  I knew she
would be called Madison…not Maddie….Madison.  What I didn’t know was
that I would be so in love with her the moment I heard her cry as she
vacated my body.  She was beautiful.  I wanted to give her the world,
the sun, the moon….whatever she desired.  

My perspective on life changed that instant. My wants, desires,  and my needs had all changed
for the better….I have her to thank for that.  She changed my life
…she halted  my crash course journey I was on…..and at 19 I brought
home the most amazing creature I had ever met.  She has been my
sidekick longer than anyone else in my life.  

She is my friend, my daughter, and my dearest most precious gift.  Happy 17th birthday to
my wondrous “baby”girl.  Madison, I love you and I can’t begin to thank you enough for the joy you have brought to me.

1 comment:

  1. I am always impressed at how vivid the major turning points in our lives are. I also want to add that I identify with having religion intermingled with such an "interesting" moment. I was 18 when I gave birth to my first son and my doctor was the bishop of our church. He was going back and forth between my labor and church the Sunday Ashton was born. Unlike you, I was not able to restrain the explictives which came in excess with each contraction that was signaling it was time to push. I would spend the time in between, which wasn't much, apologizing before they rolled off my tongue again a few seconds later... Congratulations Mama for 17yrs of doing it right.