Senior Year - Introduction Part One

Sounds super serious from the title right? It is actually. Today begins the countdown of the "birthday twins'" last year before they take off to grab lives of their own.
The birthday twins are my dear friend Rebekah's daughter Madison and my own daughter Jina. Both girls were both born on May 30th, 1995. Madison is about 20 minutes older.
Starting today Rebekah and I are beginning The Senior Year project where we are going to document our experiences over the the next 12 months which is our eldest daughter's "last year" at home before college.

Since Madison has those 20 minutes ahead of Jina here's Rebekah's introduction.
-Thea
---

1 more month.  1 more month until my first baby, my delightful child, turns 17 years old.  I find that culturally there is always a lot of hullabaloo surrounding “sweet 16” – you can drive, it’s a milestone and an expected celebration of maturity; 18 offers it’s own amazement to the masses, but I am finding the idea of 17 to be daunting, exciting, terrifying, amazing, depressing, and above all else, a wake up call.  The Beatles knew it too, in their song And I Saw her Standing There, “Well, she was just seventeen, you know what I mean.”  Yes John and Paul, I think I DO know what you mean, and it scares me.

Madison

Though 17 offers the guarantee that my child will begin to prepare for her own future and start to make her own way on this spinning rock, it also marks the last year of our daily discussions.  Random babble about music, boys that she is interested in, boys that annoy her but keep texting her, art, literature, bad Facebook memes, crappy tv that she doesn’t have time to watch, and the general laughter we share on a daily basis. AND let’s be frank, it denotes the last year of my jurisdiction.

Have I done enough to prepare her for being on her own?  Can she buy her own food, stock her own shelves, and cook her own meals? Can she clean and do laundry?  Balance a “checkbook” (aka debit card register)?  Is she self disciplined enough to not go to a Circa Survive concert with her last $78.27 instead of buying food or gas for 2 weeks?  I am hoping that the answer to all of these things is yes, but really, didn’t we all learn a lot about life and what to do and not to do by experiencing our own failures and mistakes?  I think that requiring her to make dinner once a week for the last 2 years has been a good training ground for her, as was her assistance with my bizarre OCD-esque laundry requirements.  This last year I need to focus more on the bank account with her and have more discussions about weaning her off the $24 eyeliner she goes through every 3 weeks and the $28 shampoo.  She will need to ask herself if getting her eyebrows done at the Benefit brow bar every 6 weeks is something she can afford to keep up or if it’s more important to her to have enough money to pay her cell phone bill. Have I failed her by not making her begin her road down financial independence sooner?

Tonight said “baby” will be at a presentation for some East Coast schools…she and the Mr. are driving 2 hours to be in a meeting to “show demonstrated interest” in a school she has at the top of her wish list.  Next week she is touring the campus of a Southern California school her Uncle and Aunt are Alumni of; she’s interested in that one too.  I would love her to be more local, but her heart is set to roam free and leave California.  I have spent many, many, many moments focused on this, wanting to be a supportive mother that helps her daughter spread her wings and prepare for the world.  Part of me wants to crush her dreams before she has a chance to even apply there and tell her that even if she gets a merit based scholarship (and we all know how competitive those are) it’s too expensive to live so far away from your home base.  Is it time to play Kathy Bates and get my sledge hammer out in a Misery homage?  I could have the Mr. build an elaborate prison in the garage perhaps?  The interest letter from Westpoint, the constant stream of mailers from all over the U.S. this year have broken my heart at each postal mark….but I smile as I hand my daughter the postcards, letters, packets, and I swear one sent a fold out poster.

These are just the ramblings of a mother who knows that the sand from the hourglass is streaming faster.  The woman who watched Toy Story 3 audibly sobbing louder than anyone in the theatre when Andy’s mom looks around his newly emptied room and states, “Just…I wish I could always be with you”.  This right of passage she has worked so hard to earn is right around the corner.  It’s just on the horizon, that’s what 17 says to me.  And I get it.  I’ve never been the “clip your wings” type.  I love her with ever fiber of my being and want only the best for her.   But my heart is a little broken with the idea of her seat at the table being empty more often than not.  My baby who has been with me since I was a 19 (yes that IS a whole ‘nother Oprah), the one whom I poured every ounce of love I had to give (and even some I didn’t have to offer) into.  My toddler who would streak through the house nekkid after a tubby because she didn’t want to get dressed.  The only one of my children my mother was able to hold in her arms and sing to sleep before she died.  My child who was reading Dr Seuss to me before she was 3.  My child who knew she wanted to be a doctor when she was in kindergarten because of all of the time she spent in the hospital with asthma and pneumonia.   My adolescent who grew up a decade in just a day when her friend was murdered at school.  My teenager who respects herself and her body enough to not put herself in situations that could jeopardize her dreams.  My forever baby and first born is going to begin her journey.  I am so happy for her and I am so honored to have this last year to continue to help prepare her.

Rebekah & Madison

When I sat down to type this I promised myself I wouldn’t go to that super cheesy place – with the expected violins in the background and the Fiddler on the Roof tune.  But I can’t help it!  My heart aches with pride as well as sadness, “Is this the little girl carried?  Is this the little boy at play?  I don’t remember growing older, when did they?  When did she get to be a beauty? When did he grow to be so tall?  Wasn't it yesterday when they were small? Sunrise, Sunset…..”  

-Rebekah Norton

Thea - The Juvenile Delinquent

Man, that sounds so 1950's. But it is true. I was quite the shithead of a teenager.

I'm not even sure where I should begin this story actually.
In a daily setting today, I look like any suburban mom (younger and more stylish than average of course). I go to my children's school functions, chit chat with my neighbors and kids' parents when I run into them in my idyllic town.  I think I am pretty normal. My kids have been pretty normal so far too.

I did walk a long road to get here.
I was raised by my father who was on the older side from when I was 9 on up. I did have a few stepmothers, so my home life was pretty strange at times with those ladies. At one point my niece who is only 4 years younger than me lived with my dad & I. So I got to experience what it was like to be an older sibling in away. Did I mention that I am the baby of 6 or 3 depending on which parent we're discussing. I'm not sure if that is applicable to this post but I know many live by the birth order train of thought so there it is.

Thea, her cousin & two friends 1994

With a crazy home life any kid starts to bond with their friends who had similar situations at their homes. Granted I was born and raised in a military town on an island with not a whole lot to do so I'm sure that added fuel to my troublemaking fire.  But I had and still have some close friends who were little shits too.

Without going into much detail I was in juvenile detention a couple times, forced to go to anger management classes, expelled from school and had many hours of community service work for various punishments. I deserved all my punishments if not more.  

I wanted to put this out there because I feel that it is important to know that I have a history of not being perfect. When I publish advice on teenagers I feel as if I am relating to myself who was a handful as a teen and also relating to my own teenagers today. I have been living a trial and error life.

On all the mom blogs out there I can't say that I've read anything where a mom openly admits being a juvenile delinquent. No perfect picture painting here, I'm honest about who I was and am today. 

So far that's working out for me and my kids. As you can imagine it takes a lot to pull some shit past me. 

So there it is, judge me or commiserate. I know I wasn't the only bad kid out there :)

Thea

"Don't you dare lie to me."

So if you are like me you've made it this far into motherhood that you can just smell a lie wafting in the air when a child of yours puts it out into the universe. Its mother's intuition.
Being a mother is having a type of an intimate relationship. Its personal, intense, fulfilling and at times draining.  But through it all you learn intimate details of each other and really *know* them well.
As parents you teach your kids right from wrong, how to write their name, wipe their butts and a plethora of other things to raise them up to be a well adjusted human being.
We even teach them how to lie.
Now don't argue with me on this, you know I am right.
Say Friday night your mom calls and you are busy, you don't want to talk to her you say something like "Tell her I'm in the shower!" As small as that is it's a lie and you taught it to your kid.

As adults we understand the difference (well most of us and the rest we hope aren't breeding) of various types of lies. Kids don't however and lying is apart of normal development. If you think back to being a young kid, you probably broke or lost something of your parents' and lied about it so you wouldn't get into trouble. Its a gut reaction to CYA (cover your ass). We by nature are protective of ourselves and the ones we love.  As we grow we learn how to cope with the ramifications of our actions and accept responsibility for them. At least that is the ideal. Until then we test our boundaries by telling lies in times of "trouble" or "danger" to prevent scolding or a form a hurt.

One of my children has been on a lying streak lately. I won't disclose which child it is because my children and their friends know of this blog. Lucky for me I am truly a horrible liar so thus I have produced horrible liars.  So for me this little game of guess the lie has been somewhat easy.
One starts to cry immediately, another tilts their head downward, the other two get all shifty eyed.
They will never be lawyers.
Even though it is "easy" it does take effort on my part to discipline and talk about it. I mention this because I can't even tell you how many parents I have come in encounter with who allow their children to lie because they don't want to deal with it. Yes, I am totally judging them. Lies say something about the person who is telling it, even the small ones. Shielding pain, insecurities, lack of knowledge & embarrassment. You don't know what it is unless you are upfront and talk about it.  Wouldn't you want your kid to tell you that someone has been shoving them into a locker at school, or that their friends were pressuring them to use meth or that they think they are pregnant? You'd totally want to be in the know, so you can help if serious situations like that were happening.

"Don't you dare lie to me." The Blind Side

Next time you find a box of cereal empty in the cupboard and are lied to about who or why it was left there, take a minute and tell the kid that they don't have to lie about dumb shit. Telling lies is a really bad habit to have. Ask any woman who has been hurt, she'll tell you all about it for an extreme example.

I would like to say that I've had yelling fits at my kids for lies told to me, I am human. I definitely don't know everything either but I do know that communicating and interacting with your kids for the good and the bad makes all the difference to them.

-Thea

What To Use Coupons For

You might have heard about the show Extreme Couponing on TLC.

I admit I was totally fascinated. I have always used coupons. I even remember helping my mom sort coupons in the 1980's when we shopped at the Commissary on the Navy base.
The show boasts impressive savings on extreme shopping trips. 80 bottles of mustard, 200 bottles of energy drinks, packages of lunchmeat taken home for pennies on the dollar.  In this economic climate it's inspiring for families who are struggling.

But let's take a couple steps back and think about what they are buying on the show. Lots of condiments, processed foods, just lots of junk food. They do that because there are usually big sales on those products paired with coupons and other store discounts. The show is truly unrealistic the producers ask the people to do "extreme" shopping trips. It paints a picture of what they buy on the show is what they eat all the time. Frankly that is gross and is a turn off to use coupons.

There are tons of coupons for crap (as mentioned in video above), which is a big reason for folks not to use coupons.  "There are only coupons for junk." I hear that a lot but it's not true. More on that in a second.

In a previous post I wrote;
"We spend lots of money on our homes, cars and clothes but we skimp on the costs of our food. Which we put into our bodies that we hope will last decades."


I think that is so backwards, why are we like that? I too, became "victim" to cheap eats especially when I was a single mother. I just couldn't afford to buy fresh produce all the time.  A head of cabbage costs as much as 3 frozen burritos. For a struggling family the choice is ruled by money and quantity rather than the healthy choice. Today I spend less in other areas of my life to buy organic meat, dairy, fruits and vegetables.


I make the choice of not using coupons for "junk food" and I choose to use coupons on household goods.  Dish soap, napkins, hygiene products, medicines, band aids... things like that I will never pay full price for.  I have come across many coupons for environmentally friendly products and organic foods. There are good coupons out there, when we use them and buy those products it is like we are "voting" for those products. Just the simple act of buying an item lets the store know that is what is in demand. 
You can find great organic and gluten free product coupons on Mambo Sprouts.  
Most of your favorite organic foods manufacturer's websites or Facebook pages offer coupons too.
Whole Foods even has their own store coupons.  My favorite local store PCC Natural Markets even accepts coupons which surprises many. I buy all of my produce there and I keep a garden too which keeps my produce bill low.


Other sites to visit are:
Totally Target - tips on deals at Target. Did you know you can combine a Target coupon and a manufacturer's coupon to get an even sweeter deal? 
For local moms a great hub for all deals online, drug stores, chain stores etc - visit Coupon Connections. 


-Thea

Recipe - Sourdough Pancakes

Sourdough Pancakes Recipe

Can you hear the angelic choir singing "Ahhhhhh!" That epic plate of pancakes is what I made for my kids on the first sleeping in morning of their spring break. (*We're staycationing so I had to make it special.*)

My girls on their first staycation morning. My blonde one doesn't wear glasses - she's my only one that doesn't.

So this recipe will be unique to our blog since you will need an ingredient that you will have to make or attain prior to making this. A little bit more effort than normal.

Sourdough starter is the new black of the baking world. Seems like everyone is making their own.  There seems to be endless methods to making them too. Google "How to make a sourdough starter" and it will land you on a variety of how to's on the topic. Everything from a science projectesque to the uber pretentious methods. Admittedly this is a bit of a science project, but I will give you a simple starter recipe.

Sourdough Starter Recipe:

3 cups of flour (I'd skip the whole wheat flour on this go around)
2 teaspoons of dry active yeast
4 cups of warm water (115 degrees)
4 teaspoons of sugar
A nonmetal bowl

Dissolve the yeast in the warm water.
Slowly incorporate the flour and sugar while stirring well or using an electric mixer.
Cover loosely and let it stand for about a week or until its bubbly & "sour" smelling.

Voila! - you have sourdough starter. Store in a glass container in the fridge until you are ready to use it. You'll need to feed it every few days to keep it alive.  Simply add and mix in a tablespoon each of warm water and flour.
I let my starter come to room temperature before I do this and mix back in any liquid that separates from the starter.

Okay now onto those pancakes!

Things you'll need:

2 cups of Sourdough Starter (room temperature)

½ cup flour


1 teaspoon baking soda

2 tablespoons brown sugar

½ teaspoon salt


¼ cup canola oil

1 egg


1 teaspoon vanilla


*Add a splash of soy milk or warm water to thin if necessary.*

Simply mix everything together in a large bowl.

Heat your pan and grease if necessary.

Serve with maple syrup or fruit preserves - like shown below:

Sourdough Pancakes with Blueberry Preserves

I promise that big pile of blueberry preserves was awesome!

See:

To replenish your starter all you need to do is add back what you used.  For instance if you used 2 cups of starter add 1 cup of flour and 1 cup of warm (115 degrees) water. Replenish your starter at room temperature and let it set out for a couple hours after you do, then you can put it in the refrigerator. 

Also remember not to use all of your starter at once. You need to save about a cup to keep the starter going. 

Share it with your friends make a bunch of waffles with this recipe and freeze them for the kids for weekdays. Just add a smidgen more canola oil if you make waffles. You could always just make bread with your starter too. 

Give it a go friends! 

Thea

Recipes in the Making

As noted on our recipe page, we actually test our recipes.
Sometimes it takes time.

Tester recipe - Blue Cheese Potato Salad

A lot of the times we grow our own ingredients.

Seed Potatoes

We're so hardcore.

Most of the time it's just trial and error. 

Sweet Tea for kombucha

Don't disturb the kombucha!

Just wanted to share the love & effort we put into creating really good recipes to share. :)

Thea

Fair Winds and Following Seas

This year I will be 36.
A fairly respectable age I think. Not too old, not too young. I've accomplished a few things with much more on the to do list.

At 36 you are a "grown up". You work a job, pay bills and care for children.
Yet at 36 you still need a parent. I guess I am discovering that as I raise teenagers today. The job is truly never ending.

Later this summer my dad, will have been gone for 8 years. Yet it feels like he left me just yesterday.
He was my best friend.

Thea & Her Dad 

My parents divorced when I was 9 years old and at that age I chose to live with my dad who was 52 at the time because I think from the moment I was born I was following his shadow's every step.
As you can imagine raising a daughter on your own with a revolving door of wives/stepmothers created some interesting experiences during my formidable years. I know he did the best that he could and today I am so thankful for the person that he was.

I could spend hours upon hours gushing about what a great dad he was to me.
How much I miss my daily phone calls that usually consisted of what was on sale at the grocery store. How now I can't resist taking the time to chit chat back to "grandpas" who remind me of my dad at the post office.
I really miss him.

In the weeks before my dad's death I was lucky enough to care for him in my home. They were hard days, no one likes to see their strong parent become feeble, sick and unable to use the bathroom without aid. In life things eventually come full circle. My dear dad cried when I had to help him in the bathroom, he had tears in his eyes saying to me over and over again "I'm sorry Thea" because he needed help.  In my eyes there was nothing to be sorry about. He had cared for me my whole life, it was my turn to be care provider.
It was a very hard time and I still cry about it now.  Hurt like that never goes away, but like any broken heart the sting lessens with time.  Sorry and condolences seem like the appropriate thing to say to a friend in a time of loss, but as the receiver I know no words can uplift you.  No words can bring resolve.
You are supposed to hurt and morn. Losing a parent is losing a part of you, a big part.
Your heart will swell with sadness and memories. Embrace it and think warmly of the one you are letting go. They know you loved them.

--
This post is dedicated to two of the greatest dads.

Big Al Starr - 1933-2004

Capt'n J. Wood 1948-2012

"Fair winds and following seas" to them both always.
Extra love to my fellow daddy's girl.

#1 Way to Stay Married

Is to have your own bank account.

Your husband will not understand that a bottle of foundation that you must by to aid you in keeping the "the we first met look" costs $24. Just like you don't understand why he spends $50 on some man thing that he seems to have 40 of.

Frankly, arguing with each other over personal items isn't worth it. Money is second to communication issues as to why couples argue and divorce. Often those two coincide with each other.
My mother in law (who has been married for 39 years) was the one who actually shared this secret to martial happiness with me. There should be an account for each other for your personal spending and then there should be a shared account for shared expenses like the mortgage/rent, utilities, groceries, kid activities etc.

Why should you have separate accounts? Its to keep your personal identity in a shared relationship.  Neither of you will dictate each others personal spending which gives room for you to be you. When you first meet you like each other for the individuals that you are and make the choice to come together to compliment each other. I think often that aspect gets lost over time.
With having your own account you won't need to ask your husband if you can spend $100 on a new pair of shoes. You've saved your own money and can treat yourself to those new shoes. It works both ways too. Even if you are a stay at home mom/dad you should have your you money.

As someone who used to be in the financial world accepting responsibility for shared expenses of course should be top priority. You do need a place to live and food to eat. But you should be treated too and having the capability to spend your own money on small things you enjoy can be really empowering.
I know many at this time are struggling with income and expenses but even if you can cache away $5 here and there for yourself it can do wonders. Sell some of your kid's clothes at a consignment shop? Great! Turn that money into a little shopping trip to the thrift store and snatch up some "new to you" clothes. Or save it for a girl's night out with friends, you get the idea.

I think and have seen a lot of ladies and gents get "lost" in relationships that are dominated by money issues. That leads to arguments and resentment.  Balance with financial matters are so important no matter how much money you have.

-Thea

Out and About

*Say it with some Canadian flair!*  Out & aboot.


Well that's what we've been. Not in Canada, but not too far from it.

Thea, Alaskan JoAnn & Jenny

When a friend from Alaska flies down you have to drop everything and have a little mini vacation. I mean it's pretty much like Santa coming down from the North Pole right?

The three of us pictured above go way back. We go back to when one of us was a tomboy (Thea), one of us wore Cosby sweaters (JoAnn) and the one looked exactly like the girl from the Poltergeist movies (Jenny). We all "cashed in" our mom tax* cards and spent a few days together in our home town.

As always it was a hoot. But these were involved so it pretty much was going to be a hoot anyways.

Jargaritas!

Oh the joys of candy bars for dinner (because there's no kid forcing you to eat veggies) and tall glasses of alcohol for dessert it was good stuff.

We'll be back with some recipe posts, tutorials & a few tales too.

xo-Thea



*Definition of Mom Tax - A cut/portion of something that a child attains that a mom should get a cut of. For example: Halloween candy. A mom should be able to "tax" her child for the candy - (i.e. take a small portion of said child's candy because she just drove her all over 4 neighborhoods to attain that candy).  Or another example is Mom Days - or a couple hours even. Just enough to relieve some stress and recuperate & get revived. Mom Tax - feel free to use that at will.